Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
