So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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