I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
