you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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