I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
