Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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