kristin has been a bad kristin
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
