And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
