so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
