how can u be prego again
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
