Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
