I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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