Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
