i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
