I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
