just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
