Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize