you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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