When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
