i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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