I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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