i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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