Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
