btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
