Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
