I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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