Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
