Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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