Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
