you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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