after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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