ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
