all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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