My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
