So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
