I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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