i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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