I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
