I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
