I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
