I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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