There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
