I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
