I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
