im six kinds of drunk right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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