I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
