We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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