SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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