some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im holly from the hills drunk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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