i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
