We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
