Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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