you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
