We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
