I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize