Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think i have two assholes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
