she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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