we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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