I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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