So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
