I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
