did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I looked at my own cervix.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
