I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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