I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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