i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
