You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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