The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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