his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
